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AH worst fears realized. This irrational irrational fear of mine. Our upcoming staff fun day event is 7 days away and I’m already so full of anxiety.
The morning activity: Kayaking on the river.
My first thought: “are you crazy!? No. The river is dangerous. I can’t do water sports!? This is awful…and in the words of Catherine of Aragon in the hit musical ‘SIX”… “there’s no no no no no no- No way.”
I take a breath. And admit to myself that my second thoughts are “I am so sick of being so scared of this. Of causing a fuss. Especially when you know you enjoy being on the water”.
Canoes are fine. I LOVE being on boats. But with SUPs or kayaks the risk of falling in the water is higher. And I don’t like be IN open water – lakes, rivers, oceans, and such. No, it’s not that I ‘don’t like’ it. I fear it. I’m terrified of what’s IN the water. The fish. Fish absolutely terrify me. And the other water life too. You can’t see anything under the sand or in the dark water! It’s a long standing irrational childhood fear that has absolutely plagued my life -especially given the fact that I was born in La Ronge and lived most of my life in Saskatchewan!
In addition, it was drummed into me at an early age that the waters of the South Saskatchewan River can be incredibly dangerous, even on a calm day. The weather can change like snaps fingers that. As the day gets closer, I think about possible thundershowers, with potential wind gusts up to 40kph, combined with rumours of high waters and a legendary fast current. But there it is: I keep thinking in terms of words like ‘possible’, ‘potential’, ‘rumours’. Is this reality or my nerves?
But this is exactly why I wanted to do this project. To work through these feelings. To build more confidence. And ultimately to embrace being an adventurer….albeit, a nervous and awkward one.
The day is here and it starts with a flurry of activity at the office. I debate about going back and forth, and before I know it – everyone scrambles onto the bus. The dizzying combination of the busyness of the morning, the uncertainty of the day, the lack of control about the weather, and the noise on the bus – cue a super fun panic attack! (but a sincere thank you to my colleagues for supporting me through it by letting me feel and process what I needed to in my own time!)
We arrive at Poplar Bluffs Conservation Area, just south of Saskatoon, where Candace from The Local Adventure Company and her team are there and are setting up for our arrival.
Oh lord, am I doing this? Am I not? I don’t know – yes? Ahhhh no! NO. Wait – ok let’s do it.
With some help from the team, I find an unclaimed kayak and a grab a life jacket. Candace walks us to the launch site and takes us through the basics of kayaking, as well as safety procedures and tips and tricks.
I am listening, but one thing I notice is – how peaceful it feels now that we’re closer to the water. There is no storm. No wind. The sun was hiding behind misty clouds. I feel transported – Ireland? Scotland? No, there’s not enough wind or rain, but somewhere equally atmospheric.
I ask a lot of questions and do some final checks of my own – how is the current today and depth of the river? What’s the probability of tipping? How is the forecast looking? Candace and the team answer all of my questions with patience and compassion.
Orientation done, we start getting into the river and I am helped into my kayak. And just like that I am in the kayak and on the river, and immediately – calm. It’s not scary at all. Not at all what I thought it was going to be like.
The river is only about 1-2ft deep, and even I quickly start to feel that it could even be a bit deeper than that. I start to focus on the sounds of the water with each movement of the paddle, of birds, of chatter from my colleagues already way out ahead. I relax and start my journey.
The journey from Poplar Bluffs to Downtown Saskatoon is scheduled to take us about 2.5-3 hours, a distance of approx 11kms.
We meander through the winding river, seeing wildlife (even a blue heron!), amazing architecture along the banks, and absolutely gorgeous scenery all around us.
The clouds stay just far enough away, with a bit of misty rain that makes me think we’ve transported into an Enya album.
Cue Orinoco Flow
It doesn’t take long before I really start to enjoy myself. I am feeling more confident and comfortable with each passing minute. I even relax enough to take pictures and chat with my awesome team members along the way.
The rest of the morning was a peaceful, safe, and comfortable journey, with (thankfully) the only injury I receive being blisters on my hands from the paddles. Before I know it, I find myself at the front of the pack having overtaken my colleagues (an achievement that my competitive side really enjoyed!).
In the homestretch, we were aiming for the Broadway Bridge, but due to time constraints we had to finish at the Victoria Boathouse – something I actually found disappointing as I was really looking forward to going into the heart of the city and seeing the many bridges from a different perspective. But needs must.
In the end, I reflected that I really enjoyed our little adventure and I am so glad I did it. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, learned new skills, trusted in my ability and the process, and though I started nervous and oh so awkward, I finished strong and proudly.
If I ever have the chance to do something like this again, I will definitely try to be more open to it before my nerves and anxiety has a chance to take over. I nearly let myself miss out on a beautiful morning with my supportive and amazing team mates.
It is important to note: I never felt pressured to participate or felt unsafe on the water at any time. If the weather had been different, if the river had been higher, or if any other factors had been different – I would have chosen to not participate. River safety must be taken seriously and water sports can be a dangerous activity – they both need to be respected.
But if you assess the risk, take precautions to mitigate that risk, and make sound judgements – you can also push yourself to do things you never imagined. Even if you do it nervously and awkwardly along the way.
Now, on to the next…
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